A friend of mine asked me, can one be too self-aware? My answer is no… but.

I think the more we know about ourselves, the more powerful we become. By learning precisely about our own strengths, weaknesses, values and preferences, we learn how to make the most of the human equipment we have been given for this life.

It is especially useful to learn about our strengths and preferences because with that information we can achieve whatever we want more easily and with more enjoyment. Each of us is unique and the better we know ourselves the more we can engage ourselves in the unique life's work that is perfect for us.

Our weaknesses too are important to ignore. They keep us humble, let us understand the value of those who are different to us — those who are strong where we are weak, and give us reasons to collaborate with other people, They also point to our strengths, since our biggest weaknesses are also our strengths.

As we continue through our lives to explore who we are, we find a never-ending inquiry. We can never know ourselves completely because we are always changing and our situations also change continually. We are always at a disadvantage because we cannot see ourselves. We need to view ourselves through other people in order to understand.

Beyond how other people see you, the biggest gift in raising your self-awareness is in exploring the inner realms of who you are, that no one can see for you. You can ask yourself, “who is the 'I' who speaks to me in my head?” ; “who is the one who knows what I am thinking?”

At the deepest levels of exploring who we are, we find that we are not ourselves at all. When you reflect on who is the one who is observing, At the heart of each of us we are connected to each other, and we are connected to the power and inspiration behind all life. It can be very motivating to know what infinite power and goodness is within you. By knowing yourself well, you can know exactly how you yourself express a particular aspect of life and how you can allow that to shine at its brightest.

…but…

Many people avoid knowing themselves because they are afraid of what they will find. They do not yet understand that they really are perfect exactly as they are. Our faults are neither good nor bad. They are merely reality. All our faults have also an equal greatness and good side to them, their flip side.

So when learning more about yourself, it is necessary to do it with warmth and appreciation. It can take practice for people who tend to be self-critical. There are many ways to develop the ability to accept and appreciate yourself including:

- creating a “mutual appreciation society” with some friends
- repeating positive affirmations,
- using guided meditation recordings to guide your thinking
- meditation, praying or otherwise connecting to the deep perfection and peace of reality,
- using psychological means to change the root fears that cause negative self-talk,
- seeing yourself as if you are a small child whose weaknesses are part of his/her beauty.

People who know themselves well have also learned to accept themselves and by extension others. There is tremendous attractiveness in that. Try it and you will love yourself and your life even more.

I often hear from people who are unclear about their career direction. Are you one of those people?

If you are, then you are not completely satisfied with your current job but you don't know what would be better. You don't know if you need a complete change or just a few small corrections. Even if you can envision a better job, you don't know how to get there or you don't believe you can. Because of your uncertainty, you are not fully committed to making an investment in a new career. You are hesitant to start when you can't fully imagine the results. This uncertainty can happen at any point in your working life.

I can really relate to this problem because I've experienced it myself. After I moved to Hong Kong, I spent several years groping and fumbling, trying to find a new career that would allow me to contribute and work at my best. Luckily I eventually discovered coaching, not only because it turned out to be such an ideal career for me, but also because through getting my own coach, I started moving much more quickly and directly towards what I really wanted.

After a four-year search, I reached a point when I was suddenly very clear about what I wanted to do with my career. And I was absolutely certain it was right for me. From then on, I was on a downhill track towards my current wonderful working life.

Being uncertain about your future direction makes it very difficult to make the investments of time and energy necessary to get you on the right track. You dabble and dither, or you just remain stuck. But once you are sure about what you want and where you are going, the decisions are easy, the investments make sense and the future draws you forward relentlessly.

So what did I do, and what would I recommend others do to get past that very difficult hump of uncertainty about what your career should be? Here are four keys:

1) Keep noticing and admitting your discomfort. This will motivate you to continue searching until you feel you are on the right track. Don't give up. Don't settle for less than a fulfilling career.

2) Realize that if you keep working towards a more fulfilling career, you will inevitably succeed. With sufficient persistence, you cannot fail.

3) Learn as much as you can about yourself, especially about your strengths, what you like and what you don't like. This is the only way to figure out the puzzle of what work is right for you.

4) Make sure you have at least one strong supporter who will understand your desire for more fulfillment and believes in you. Most people get stuck because of self-doubts, criticisms or fears coming from their own thinking and from those around them.

Which one of these tips is most important to you right now?

Worrying is a very common source of stress and waste of energy. All of us have times when we worry, and some people rarely have times when they don't worry! Whether you are an occasional worrier, or a worry addict, learning how to worry less is an excellent investment in your life.

Here are three simple ways to cut down on your worrying. Choose one method, or use all three to work towards a worry-free life.

1) Write it all down. This is a very simple and easy way to stop the endless chatter of your worries. When you write everything down, you get it out of your head and onto paper where it can't endlessly repeat itself. 90% of worrying is repetition, so once it is concretely described on paper, it is easier to take your thinking to the next step and onto what you can practically do about your problems.
 
You can write down whatever you are worrying about quickly in a stream-of-consciousness style. Doing this is a relief and will also allow you to feel much clearer. You can write down everything, even if it scares you or you don't really want to think about it. Once it is written down, it loses its power.
 
Sometimes it is helpful to add some structure to your writing. You can categorize your thoughts into pros and cons, or current state and desired state, or other simple organizing structures. If you have a story in your mind you can write a few different versions of it to make it clear how your story is only an interpretation and not the truth. For example, if you're worrying about something you've done in the past, you could write it as a tragedy, then as a comedy, then as a matter-of-fact story. You can do this for your future worries too.
 
When your worries are very complicated, and you want to find a plan or a solution, I recommend using a mind map, a graphic representation of your thoughts. Learn more about mindmapping here.
 
2) Get present. When you're worrying you are always either thinking about the past or the future. It is impossible to worry when you are living in the present moment. To get present, do something that requires all of your attention. For example, try balancing on one leg. It is very difficult to do that when your mind is aflutter! Many of our most enjoyable activities force us to be present, including various forms of exercise and arts.
 
One of the things I do every day to keep working on my ability to be present is that whenever I am walking from one place to another, I focus my attention on everything I can feel in my body. I notice the feeling of the ground, the air against my face, the feeling of my muscles, my breathing and my heart if I can notice it. I let all those sensations dominate my awareness so that there is no room for anything else. Of course you can do this anytime when you are just sitting, or taking a short break. If you practice this for one minute per day, you will see a difference in your equanimity and your resilience.
 
3) Practice EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. Have you heard of it? This is a very simple technique that is easy to learn and practical to use. It is based on the fact that all emotions are energy moving through certain pathways in the body. By tapping on certain spots in an easy-to-learn pattern, it is possible to remove emotional charges. If you are worrying about something, you can be sure there is an emotional charge that is driving the cycle of worrying. So when you eliminate or reduce the emotional charge through this method, you will find you have much more control over your thoughts. By practicing this regularly, you will gain control over your emotions and give yourself the opportunity to act more rationally in emotional situations.

You can download a free EFT manual with everything you need to know. Or contact me to arrange a one-time coaching session where I will teach you to practice EFT and eliminate some of your worries at the same time. I am putting together some small groups to learn this technique for your personal use in a very cost-effective way, so please contact me if you are interested.