Archive for the ‘Leader as coach’ category

« Older Entries

How to Talk About Spirituality with your Coaching Clients

October 20th, 2009

As we gain more experience and skill in the practice of coaching, we naturally find many ways that spiritual practices
help us achieve our goals. By spiritual practices I mean methods and beliefs relating to the nature of reality and different mind and energy states.  For anyone who is continually investigating self-improvement, spiritual practices of some variety will eventually be revealed as extremely useful. Therefore it is natural that we want to
share those practices with our clients.

But because spiritual
words tend to be emotionally loaded and misunderstood, it is easy
to create resistance or scare clients off with our talk of spiritual
things.

In September 2009, I held a meeting (through the Hong Kong International Coaching Community) with 14 coaches of different backgrounds and levels of experience to share examples of the successes
we have had with helping clients find their own value in using
spiritual concepts and practices. As a result, I have compiled a list of
approaches for bringing spiritual things, in the broadest possible sense, into coaching relationships. These are simply ideas, in no particular order, that can be tailored for use by a variety of coaches according to their clients' preferences.

  • Listen for what makes meaning for your clients and point it out to them.
  • Use the same words your clients use to explain spiritual concepts. Even the word 'spiritual' can be negatively charged.
  • Ask “do you have any spiritual practice?”
  • Fully accept and endorse your client's current thinking and relationship to spiritual things, even if it is very different from your own. This may require you to expand your own perspective to be able to see the value in other mindsets.
  • Use silence to help your clients tap into their deeper thoughts. Then ask, “what is your heart telling you?”
  • Encourage your clients to be helpful or of service to others. Helping brings joy.
  • Encourage your clients to find their passion. It is a route to finding meaning and connecting with a bigger purpose.
  • Ask 'why is this important to you?' or 'what is important to you about life?'
  • Ask 'who will you become …?'
  • Create a safe space by being open, accepting and ensuring confidentiality. 
  • Be willing to witness your client's pain, joy and changes. Stay with them without being drawn into the emotions.
  • Use your client's upsets or challenges as opportunities to breakthrough to new ways of thinking and being.
  • Point out the benefits of spiritual practices as your clients experience them.
  • Learn to share your own understanding in words that are inclusive and understandable by many different kinds of people.
  • Translate your spiritual practices into practical steps that relate to practical goals so that your clients can clearly see the benefits and try it for themselves.
  • Expand your own spiritual practices to gain deeper and wider understanding.

In what other ways do you share your most esoteric learnings with your clients?

2 comments »

Posted in About Coaching, Becoming a coach, Leader as coach, Main Page

How to Coach When You Really Want to Give Advice

March 10th, 2009

One of the most common mistakes in coaching is giving advice rather than helping the coachee find their own answers. This is an easy mistake to make because most of us are so keen to help (and show that we are helpful) and because many coachees are used to being given advice and they expect it.

From my personal experience of coaching, observing others coaching and being coached, I am convinced that most advice-giving in coaching is nowhere near as powerful and effective as eliciting the answers from the coachee. Eliciting the answers takes more skill and it also takes deep trust in the process of coaching, to believe that it is worth taking a bit more time and to make the space for the coachee to be creative.

Recently I learned a very simple and helpful process that simplifies my job in supporting my coachees to come up with their own answers so that I don't have to give them advice. Here's how it works:

Let's say my coachee asks me something like this: “How can I … ? or “What can I do to …? My coachee is seeking an answer to some question or problem he is facing. My options in that moment are to:

1) Give an answer,
2) Ask another question that helps him think further about what the answer might be, or
3) Suggest that we brainstorm possible solutions together.

Obviously Option 1 is giving advice and not recommended.

In the past I have often used Option 2 and asked my coachee something like “What do you think you could do?” There's nothing really wrong with this question, but asking a question like this does have some risks.

If my thinking is not clear enough, I might frame the question too tightly and restrict the coachee's responses. For example I might say “What do you think you could do to discover the root causes of this problem?” when in his mind there are no answers in the root causes and this is simply a distraction from the real question. Also, there is an implication that there is one 'right' answer, and this limits creativity.

Another risk with following Option 2 is that it may seem like I am throwing the difficult question back to him and withholding my own experience, wisdom and support.

Option 3 has some clear advantages. I could start by saying, “How about if we brainstorm some possible solutions together?” Immediately I am asking permission from the coachee to follow this next step. It is a way of checking the importance of the question and keeping the coachee in control of the process. I am open to the coachee saying, “Actually, I know what I need to do.” !! But often the coachee will agree and I will say, “How about if you come up with two possible solutions, then I'll add two, and we'll carry on until we have a whole bunch?” Depending on the confidence of the coachee in this problem, I could also ask him to come up with a whole bunch of possibilities and then I'll add some more afterwards. 

A coachee is often not aware that there are any possible solutions to his problem, so he will find it encouraging to think that together we will find many. It is up to the coach to provide this confidence: essentially the trust that coaching will work and that there are always possibilities and choices in any situation.

Here are some of the other advantages of this approach:

By focusing on creating possible solutions rather than solving the problem, you temporarily stop the judgment and critical thinking that often blocks creativity. Your goal is to collect all the solutions first, and then evaluate them later. Doing this unleashes creativity and in itself will help the coachee think of things they haven't thought of before.

Coachees often mistakenly believe that the solutions coming from the coach are more valuable than those they generate themselves. You can counteract this assumption by collecting the ideas together so that they have more equal weight. It's also possible to generate contradictory ideas to make it clear that the coachee has to choose based on his own evaluation of what will work best for him.

Sometimes this process works so well that the coachee immediately comes up with an excellent
solution that he knows is perfect for him and that he is excited to implement. Other times we generate a long list and feel safe with an abundance of choices for actions to take. This is what coaching is all about: creating new ways of thinking that change people's lives.

Most people are not very experienced at being coached. This fact makes it even more important that coaches trust the coaching process and let the power of coaching reveal itself to coachees. The 'aha' moments that they experience as a result will let them realize the true power of coaching.

No comments »

Posted in About Coaching, Leader as coach

How to be an Enlightened Leader

September 19th, 2008


I’d like to be able to explain fully and clearly how to be
an ‘enlightened leader’ (!!), but since I am only just discovering this
possibility myself, I am only going to share what I’m learning these days as I
explore leadership and spirituality. Please feel free to add to my
understanding by commenting.
 

Enlightenment means a view of the universe that is beyond
ego. It is the highest known perspective.

What does it mean to
be beyond ego?
 

First of all, ego is the sense that we are separate. It
emerges in childhood when we discover that we are separate from our
environments, our families and that we have individual identities. For the
first time we realize that we have an exclusive view of our own thoughts and
that we have the ability to think and choose for ourselves. Before we discover
our egos, we are not really aware that we are separate at all. Babies have no
concept of themselves and no conscious control.
 

The development of the ego is behind humankind’s great rush
of progress and development as we each strive to protect ourselves and compete
against others in our relentless pursuit of happiness. In this sense it is a
good thing. But the ego’s view of reality is not complete.
 

Being ‘beyond ego’ means having a higher perspective that transcends
the petty demands of the ego for attention, importance and security. The ego is
fearful and greedy. The ego pretends to be rational in its striving for
self-protection, but in fact it is emotional and manipulative. Enlightenment is
a more complete view of reality.
 

To gain an experience and understanding of the true nature
of reality, we can explore the deepest levels of our consciousness through
meditation. It is possible to discover that consciousness is composed of two
great forces: 
 

  • Peace
    and acceptance, where everything is okay.
  • The
    creative impulse, where everything must change.

Clearly these are opposites, and yet they both exist
simultaneously and with equal power. We can also see them as two aspects of the
same field.
 

So to be enlightened means to be aware of and act in
accordance with the existence of the highest and deepest levels of
consciousness. 


How would having this
highest possible perspective help you as a leader?
 

The biggest enemy of leadership success is fear. Fear blocks
us from rationally considering our actions and thereby leads us into
self-destructive and ill-considered behaviours. Fear also stops us from taking
any action at all, as we fearfully cling to the status quo rather than
venturing into the infinite possibilities for improvement. Fear is resolved by
knowing that at the heart of any problem, everything is okay and there is no
need for fear. There is only peace.
 

Once we are free from the fears and desires of the ego, we
are able to tap into the creative impulse that nurtures change and development,
and is the force behind the creation of “predictable miracles”, as I wrote
about before.

Applying the
learning: 

The most important step in becoming an enlightened leader is
to raise your awareness of the higher levels of consciousness beyond ego so
that you can avoid the pitfalls of ego’s irrational urges and thereby access
the higher intelligence of the creative impulse. 

This may sound esoteric but it is actually very practical.
The more you realize that ‘everything is okay’, there is always peace, the more
your actions towards your goals will be in alignment with the highest causes
and the most efficient connections. Remember, money is not earned through work,
but through the creation of value.
 

Here is a practical example. Although I have many
outstanding goals to achieve and responsibilities to fulfill, and limited time
to complete these things, I decided to take a 5-day holiday. I am aware that
much of my drive to complete goals comes from my ego’s desire to look good in
front of others, and to feel important. Those are ego-driven desires that are
unrelated to my deeper desires for helping others develop, leading and
creating. Since I am aware in this case that it is the ego that desires to keep
working, I can safely ignore it.

And so, I have just returned from my holiday fully
refreshed, energized, positive and ready to attract the kind of connections and
opportunities I really want, rather than only those that create plenty of work
without the value I seek. I cannot prove that I would have created more success
by working for those five days, but I am absolutely sure that this particular
vacation has added to my bottom line.
 

Conclusion: 

In life, everything is okay and at the same time everything
must change. The more a leader understands and experiences these two forces in
every day life, the more easily he or she will find fulfillment and success.
 
 
 

No comments »

Posted in Leader as coach, Leadership

Get instant coaching results, by focusing on what the client wants

July 28th, 2008

Focusing on exactly what the coachee wants is a powerful tool that can lead to instant coaching results. Obviously, the whole paradigm of modern coaching means focusing on what the client wants. But I'm talking about focusing more deeply on what they really want, not just what they tell you they want. By focusing the conversation in this way, you not only honour your coachee's goals and needs, but you can also find ways to meet those real but often unspoken goals much more easily.

Here's an example of how this works. My coachee Anne is frustrated by the lack of structure and guidelines in her company. She feels frustrated that a lot of her efforts are wasted because the system is not in place to properly implement the programs she is developing. She believes that the way the company is doing things is wrong and wasteful.

What does Anne want? One view is that she wants the company to change the way it does things. Further exploration of this possibility reveals that this kind of change would take a lot of thought, time and effort.

Another view of what Anne wants is that she wants to stop feeling frustrated. Perhaps she wants to feel like her efforts are of value and are being used for the best possible result.

I asked Anne what stops the company from creating the kinds of structures she believes are necessary. Anne explains that her company is young and growing. The senior managers probably understand the value of what she wants, but it is not their priority right now. I can see a change in Anne's demeanor as she reveals this. So I say, “It looks like that's an important point you've just made.”

Anne said, “Yes, I realize that it's not realistic to expect the company to act like a fully mature company when it is so new. The work I do at this stage is valuable, but it is impossible to be as fully implemented as it would be in a more mature company.” Anne's energy had changed completely. She seemed relaxed as she accepted the reality of the situation.

I took the opportunity to strengthen her feelings of acceptance by offering a metaphor. I said, “Your company is still a baby! So no wonder it doesn't do everything perfectly yet.”

Anne laughed! Her frustration was gone. Nothing concrete had changed, but because she had changed her thinking, the 'problem' was gone.

If I were Anne's manager, I would be very happy to have instantly gained her understanding and support for the current needs of the company. How many good staff have quit their jobs in frustration over a similar problem that can be resolved with a 10 minute coaching conversation? And for Anne, she can be much more effective by aligning her efforts with the current needs of the company rather than wishing it were different and struggling to create structures that are too far ahead of their time.

Here's a summary of the keys to success for this coaching interaction.
1) As always, let the coachee do most of the talking.
2) Listen for what's behind the words. Notice what the coachee wants, versus what she says she wants.
3) Watch for changes in tone and body language that signify a change in thinking.
4) Focus on what will help the coachee feel better, rather than just solving the practical problem.
5) Help the coachee notice and articulate the change in thinking and emotions.

This is only one example of the value of focusing on what the coachee wants. Do you have others you can share here?

No comments »

Posted in Leader as coach

The most elegant path to effective leadership

May 29th, 2008

I've been on a learning spurt in the past few months around the most effective ways to influence people, to lead, and to have my life proceed according to my highest desires. And what I'm learning is a way of operating that is much more effective than the conventional wisdom.

Fitting perfectly into that learning, I happened upon a very inspiring book called Synchronicity, the Inner Path of Leadership, by Joseph Jaworski.

The book affirms that leadership is about collectively creating the future and that the most effective way to lead is to use synchronicity, meaning to create the conditions for “predictable miracles”.

I'm sure you can think of a time when a happy accident led you to progress in an unexpected way. A common example is a coincidental meeting with someone who can forward your goals. Another example is when your eyes catch sight of a book that perfectly meets your needs (just as happened for me with this book!) For me, some of the most influential connections I've made in the past few years have happened purely by accident.

The book is both a personal story and an attempt to describe how to lead using synchronicity. Here are my notes.

  1. The most important choice a leader makes is to serve. Without choosing to serve your followers and/or society, your capacity to lead is profoundly limited.

  2. Want the result for its own sake. That means you must avoid egoic attachments to the results such as wanting to prove yourself as a leader, wanting to beat the competition etc. For the example above, you would want the profit simply for the benefits that will accrue to the company and your team.

  3. Be committed; believe it is possible; use willingness not will. You must simultaneously  be committed to success while being open to allowing the process to unfold in the easiest possible way.  This reminds me of Deepak Chopra's 4th Law of Success: The Law of Least Effort. Lao Tzu has said that “An integral being…accomplishes without doing.”

  4. Attract what and who you want through authentic presence and love. When you generate an internal feeling of unconditional love, others are influenced by it, whether they know it or not.

  5. The ability to create the conditions for synchronicity is not special. It's available to everyone.

If I've really learned these lessons this time, my life should begin flowing with great ease. And yours too. So, let's see!

No comments »

Posted in Book Reviews, Leader as coach, Leadership

Women Make Better Leaders, If They Want to

April 21st, 2008

This was one of the 'aha's that came to me at the Conversations Among Masters conference in North Carolina last week. Anthony Smith, author of The Taboos of Leadership, explained that women make better leaders.

An analysis of 45 leadership studies found that the best
bosses use a leadership style that is more reliant on high EQ than on high IQ. They act as inspirational mentors who encourage their staff to develop
their abilities and creatively change their organizations.  Women, on
average, have higher EQs and are more likely than men to enact this transformational
style.

But if women are such great leaders, why are there so few of them in the top echelons of corporate leadership? Only 2% of Fortune 1000 CEOs are women. Smith argues that the reason is that fewer women choose the single-focus-on-work lifestyle that top leadership requires. Women are more concerned with work-life balance as they tend to take more responsibility for their family lives. Therefore women tend to be satisfied at lower levels of management. They don't have as much ambition and will to advance, choosing instead roles that allow for more flexibility.

In contrast, only 1% of pre-school teachers are men. Does this mean that men are not capable of doing these jobs, or just that they prefer not to?

This issue strikes a cord with me because I think society is losing the point by focusing on comparisons of how much men and women earn and how equal they are in terms of hierarchical leadership. Of course I strongly believe that women and men should be paid equally for work of equal value. I also believe that society will benefit when women have much more influence than they currently do. But wouldn't it be more relevant to focus on how much freedom and opportunity men and women have to express themselves through their work? Men and women may one day contribute equally, but in very different ways.

Money and position power are no longer the only measures we have for success. I think using money alone as a measure of success is an inherently masculine point of view and as the feminine aspects of humanity gain more influence, we will accept more complex measures for our success. In fact this trend can already be seen in initiatives to use triple bottom line accounting.

I certainly don't judge my own success solely by the measures of position and income. Do you?

Read more here from Anthony Smith on whether women make better leaders than men.

Here's another article with more information on transactional versus transformational leadership.

6 comments »

Posted in Leader as coach, Leadership, Women in Leadership

Best Self-Development Tools

February 20th, 2008

After 9 years in coaching and many more years of developing myself, I've come up with a list of my favorite tools for many aspects of self-development. These are the tools I regularly recommend to my clients. These are the suggestions I will press on the people I care about.

Of course every tool has its purpose and style. These particular tools suit the most common needs of my clients and match my approach.

I've probably forgotten some. I most easily remember the most appropriate tools when one of my clients or friends is explaining some current problem. These are the tools I recommend most frequently.

For developing leadership skills:
Management Development Package (using Harrison Assessments)

For making career changes:
Career Change Package (using Harrison Assessments)

For resolving unwanted emotional reactions:
The Release Effect

This is the easiest way to get the biggest impact. Of all these methods, it takes the  least personal discipline and discomfort. And it works.

Feeling into the Core of the Feeling

Some people have trouble figuring this out, but I can guide you. It is a fantastically useful tool for a lifetime of use.

The Breakthrough Experience

Again, it's useful to have a guide to help you through this process, although experienced personal developers can navigate the process by themselves. It is particularly useful for relationship problems.

Emotional Freedom Technique

This process is a little to strange for some people, but it is explained very thoroughly in this free e-book and it works.

Timeline Therapy from Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP)

For this process you need a guide or practice partner. I experienced it during my NLP practitioners training and found it very useful. I don't have a single reference to give you, but it is widely available in NLP circles.


The Holosync Meditation Program

These meditation CDs quickly allow you to practice deep meditation easily so that you can experience all the well-documented  benefits quickly. Several of my clients, friends and family members have had excellent results including reduced worries and stress, increased happiness, improved sleep and more balanced moods.

For getting to sleep (and also for resolving emotional issues):
The Holosync Meditation Program

For getting through difficult changes:
The NeedLess Program -This is a simple process but powerful process, licensed by Coach U, which I offer to my coaching clients.

For developing public speaking and communication skills:
Toastmasters Clubs

For learning to coach as a manager:
I would just recommend the first program available that suits your schedule and preferences. There are many good choices. For current options in Hong Kong, follow this link.

For learning to coach at a masterful level:
International Association of Coaching certification process

And of course, having a coach to inspire you and support you is hugely valuable for any of the major changes you make in your life.

Please contact me if you'd like my support with any of these methods.

Updated July 2009

No comments »

Posted in Leader as coach, Loving your work, Success tips

Resolutions, intentions, expectations and visions

December 29th, 2007

Do you make New Year's Resolutions? Or do you set intentions or hold expectations for the coming year?

A once-a-year re-grouping or annual planning has some big benefits. It can be motivating and create a stronger focus when a sustained effort is necessary. It is also an opportunity to reflect on the longer time span of a year, to make course corrections that have been accumulating and that will continue to affect you over the coming 12 months. The holidays provide some distance from day-to-day happenings so you can better clarify a longterm vision or direction.

I'd like to share some discoveries I've made regarding resolutions, intentions and expectations in the hopes that they can help you make 2008 unfold as your best year ever.

Resolutions

“I hereby resolve to… exercise for 30 minutes every day for the next 12 months.”

Resolutions sound powerful. And yet very often their power comes from wishful thinking and the resolution soon turns into disappointment. Most resolutions come from an external source, such as the nagging of others, an old parental voice (which seems internal but is actually merely a memory of someone else), or a judgment you have of yourself.

Think about the reasons for making your resolution. If you notice the word 'should', it's a sign that you are imposing the resolution on yourself rather than actually wanting it.

Resolutions are often much too specific. Very specific resolutions are likely to be broken and once this happens they are often dropped completely with a feeling of failure. On the sample resolution above, if I miss one day of exercise, I will have broken my resolution and so the power of it is lost. I may think to myself that I've failed anyway, so why carry on?

Conversely, resolutions can be limiting. By focusing on this one way of getting in shape, I may be missing many other alternative fitness strategies that are available thoughout the year.

Resolutions are also often made in avoidance of something (like being unfit) rather than in aupport of or in creation of something (like being healthy) which is much more motivating.

Strong resolutions that can be met successfully come from a deeper internal commitment for something you truly want. A 'resolution' like that can also be called an 'intention'.

Intentions

“2008 will be the year I become fit.”

An intention is an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. It keeps the end in mind and focuses on the purpose. An intention gathers our attention on something significant or meaningful.

The most potent intentions come from a deep level of yearning. At their best, intentions have a clear outcome with built-in freedom to create that outcome as works best over time and according to circumstances. Their motivational power comes not from their rigidity but from the draw of the result.

To create a powerful intention requires some soul-searching. What do you really want? What is next for you? What will lead you to your heart's desire?

You can test out different intentions or themes for your coming year to see which ones pull you or attract you the most.

The clearer and more fully formed your intentions are, the more they will guide you and motivate you to bring them into reality.

Expectations

“I expect to complete the Trailwalker race* in under 25 hours.”

The paradox of expectations is that they are the sole cause of all problems and yet we cannot live without them.

Expectations are an avoidable aspect of our lives and an intrinsic part of any thinking about the future. Can you plan your next meal without an expectation? No. And would you want to? I guess not! Why give up the pleasure of thinking about a delicious meal in the future? Future expectations can be very enjoyable and are part of our daily motivation.

As we plan our futures we naturally expect certain outcomes. When we keep our expectations high we are ready and able to achieve much more than if we expect very little.

And yet expectations, at least unmet ones, account for virtually all negative emotions. We carry a complex pattern of expectations for ourselves, the people around us, our organizations, governments and the world. We expect things from our futures, and even of our pasts! And when some of those expectations are not met, we feel angry, cheated, hurt or depressed.

The phrasing of an expectation gives the impression of entitlement, as if someone or something else is supposed to grant our expectations without our effort and beyond our control.

The sample expectation above could be motivating and inspiring. And if held tightly, it could become a source of many problems for the racer and the team.

While expectations can be fun and useful I remind myself to hold them very lightly so that I can exchange them for better ones at any time. For example, I might choose half way through my race to set a new expectation that I will finish in 30 hours while supporting others to complete the event safely.

(By the way, I have no intention of doing the Trailwalker race. It's just an example!)

Envisioning

“I see myself crossing the finishing line with glee.”

An alternative to setting expectations is to envision what you want. Visions of the future can be very inspiring, especially when they include all the senses to create a complete picture with sound and feeling to evoke what you want. Visions can include only key details or they can be rich in complexity, giving a complete picture of how you want things to unfold.

Unlike expectations, the futures we envision are created by ourselves without an implication of entitlement. And our visions can change in the blink of an eye as situations change. Even so, it's helpful to remember not to get too attached to our visions. Let them develop and adapt as times change.

For example, the statement above is only one part of this potential vision. The whole vision could include many details of the accomplishment itself and all the steps leading up to it. The exact details will change as the athlete discovers better ways to prepare for and accomplish the goal.

The Best Motivator

Resolutions and expectations have their places. Setting intentions and envisioning the future are two powerful ways to clarify what you want and motivate yourself for the year ahead.

*The Trailwalker race is an annual 100km rugged trail team race in Hong Kong.

No comments »

Posted in Leader as coach, Leadership, Loving your work, Success tips

How to talk about the money …for the boss.

December 10th, 2007

It's performance appraisal and/or bonus time. Several of my clients are sweating this week over how to make the most of the one-on-one conversations they will have with their staff. Perhaps you are too?

No wonder it's uncomfortable for the leader. The money part of the conversation is the most difficult for the boss and the easiest for the staff member. From the boss's perspective, the money conversation has the most potential to cause demotivation and even loss of an employee. Ironically, in industries where people are paid very well, staff are more likely to be demotivated, even as they receive huge gobs of money in their annual bonus. Their expectations are volatile and sensitive. Their hopes can be dashed when they receive less than they expected, but more importantly their egos are damaged as they have so much pride tied up in their pay amount.

As the boss, you always have practical limitations on how much you can pay. For staff, talking about money is simple: they want more, and by focusing on the money only, they don't reveal any personal information.  If they tell you they are motivated by money, it just means they don't trust you, and/or you're not willing to hear the full story.

What are the keys to effective money conversations with your staff?  Here are a few I've uncovered with my clients over the past few weeks.

1) Set expectations accurately.
The more your staff know about how their bonuses are set, the less likely they will be disappointed. Explaining the system to them thoroughly, even the parts that are political, beyond your control or not to your liking, has several advantages. First you build trust with them by being open. Second, they are less likely to blame you when things go wrong. (If you're planning to give them a poor bonus or no raise, you'll need to be honest about the reasons for that. That's good management.) And of course, with clear information about how the system works, they are more likely to estimate accurately for themselves before you have to give them the bad (or good) news.

2) Separate the money conversations from performance conversations
People who are worried about their compensation can't listen or think as well as those who are relaxed. So if you really want to help people improve, keep those conversations separate. Even if past performance has a major bearing on how they will be paid, you can still have a separate conversation about performance before you give them the money news. If you do negotiate your compensation packages, it could still be to your advantage to allow more time to reflect between a performance appraisal meeting and a negotiation meeting, but that depends on your style.

3) Manage your emotions
If you are stressed or uncomfortable with these kinds of meetings, your staff will notice and react, whether they are conscious of it or not. The energy you project has a huge influence on people, much more than we are generally aware of. And if they sense fear, they may respond either like an attack dog or like a meek puppy. Neither response is conducive to good communications. Therefore, be cool and confident. Know your boundaries (e.g. no negotiation) and tell it like it is.

4) Be generous with sincere praise
There is a saying that all children need love, especially when they least deserve it. The same goes for adults! Your most hardened employees may be the ones who can benefit the most, although they may not admit it. Try praising one of your toughies and see them swell with pride and rise to the challenge of winning more praise. Performance review meetings are the perfect time to build trusting relationships through sincere and specific appreciation. Sincere praise is a precious tool for leaders. The key word is sincere. Make sure your true feelings are congruent with your praise. (That's the personal development part!) And stay in rapport, especially with those who are uncomfortable receiving praise.

Do you have any other tricks you use to get through these difficult conversations? Or how about other situations that these tricks won't handle?

Please do share with us.

No comments »

Posted in Leader as coach, Leadership

More on How to Coach the Boss

September 14th, 2007

After my last article on how to coach the boss, one of my readers sent me a few points that can make coaching the boss pretty difficult.

KTL said, “I think the most
difficult parts are to make the boss openly listen to you and admit there should be
something to change (they feel they are superior), build formal coach/coachee
relationship (some bosses may not  believe in coaching)  and spare time for the
coaching (bosses are always busy).”

Thanks KTL. Those are 3 valid reasons. And they all depend on the boss being committed to coaching. So the question is, how to build a strong incentive for your bosses to be coached by you so that they are willing to listen to you, develop the relationship and spend the time necessary.

It might be easier to solve that puzzle by turning the question around. What would it take for YOU to have a strong enough incentive to be coached by one of YOUR employees?

Here's my list of answers, with the most important qualities first. How well do you measure up in your boss's eyes?

To be coached by an employee, a boss would need…

…certainty that the employee is completely trust-worthy in terms of keeping confidentiality. This is a basic requirement of any good employee. But many people greatly devalue themselves by sharing confidential information and gossiping. I have personally coached several bosses who wished they could trust their staff with inside information, but they were consistently proven wrong.

…to know that the employee greatly respects the boss, enough to care about his/her feelings and respect his/her authority. This is extremely important, often more important than people are willing to admit. This is also something you can prove to your boss in your day-to-day interactions. Prove it by listening well, being responsible and relating to the boss in whatever way gives them the most support.

If you don't respect the boss, you can't coach. And if it's not possible (or constructive) to change your attitude, then you might consider changing your boss. But I don't recommend giving up easily, because as you stretch yourself to respect people of all kinds, you'll grow your personal power tremendously.

…confidence that whatever the boss reveals will not negatively influence the employee's morale or performance. One of the first coaching skills to learn is to be comfortable with discomfort. Let your boss see clearly that you are not upset by uncertainty, not phased by challenge and not demoralized by difficulties, and he/she may dare to share with you some of the challenges he/she faces.

…belief that the employee will understand the complexities of the boss's position and thinking. Just think how frustrating it would be to explain a complex problem and be met by a blank face. Upgrade your understanding of the higher level of complexity that your boss faces.

…respect for the coach's perspective, mental agility or certain useful skills or knowledge. You don't need to be more experienced than your boss, but it will help to know exactly what aspect of your knowledge, experience, skill and perspective could be useful to your boss. For example, you may be more in touch with the attitudes of the lower ranks in the company, and that perspective could be very useful in setting strategies for performance improvement. Or you may be very good at seeing the positive side of events. Share your skills and knowledge in subtle ways that are convincing, not bragging.

...to know that by discussing current issues or challenges with someone who listens will, asks useful questions and gives constructive feedback, the boss can significantly enhance the quality of his/her thoughts and actions. In  short, the boss would need to have experienced effective coaching before (by any name) or be willing to try it. Many people know intuitively that they can benefit from good conversations. But many view coaching as some kind of directive activity and they will resist it from someone who is junior to them. The easiest solution may be to avoid naming the coaching you do and simply call it meetings or conversations. If the conversations are beneficial, they will be worth repeating.

If you work on proving yourself to your boss in these ways, you may find coaching conversations emerge naturally. But you may also fail to ever reach your boss. Everyone is different.

Through practicing yoga I've learned that it is not important that you can complete the position successfully. What's important is the experience and what it teaches you.

The practice of coaching (which begins when you begin the relationship) can teach you about service, respect, trust, confidence and personal power. Start today!

If you've got specific cases to share, I'd love to tackle them, anonymously if you like. Are you still looking for solutions?

No comments »

Posted in Leader as coach, Loving your work