Comments on: Getting Work You Love, Part 3

By: Angela Spaxman

Angela Spaxman — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 09:50:02 +0000

Thanks for sharing your viewpoint, O. You’re lucky to have had parents who supported your free choice.

And now it’s your turn to support your daughters’ future. There’s a balance to find between providing financially and modeling
how to live life to the fullest, right?

By: O

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 01:05:44 +0000

Free yourself from what others want for you.
Funny enough, when I read other people points of view, I cannot find much in common. My parents have always wanted me to be happy. Independent and self-sufficient, but mostly happy in my work. I’ve never had any kind of pressure from my parents in terms of finding a job that suits their view.
On the other hand, I feel pressured now because I realize that my present salary helps greatly to finance our daughters studies and changing job may affect that particular point.

By: Angela Spaxman

Angela Spaxman — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 03:38:22 +0000

Hi YL,

Thanks for sharing the deeper aspects of your situation. It’s wonderful that you can see clearly how the old decisions you made in your life are still influencing you today, even though they may not be appropriate anymore. You’re not alone in needing to change your beliefs in order to move forward in your life. It’s natural and greater self-reflection and self-awareness will make it easier.

Now that you know what’s going on in the background, are you willing to set aside your fears of being ‘irresponsible’? You probably need some support to do that, but not necessarily psychotherapy. It might feel pretty uncomfortable, but with coaching support, you can make this change.

By: YL

YL — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 14:04:02 +0000

As a young adult, I had to find work that could help support my family’s livelihood after a financial meltdown. Being thrown into such dire circumstances from having grown up relatively fortunate prior to that, has deeply affected my true sense of purpose.

In a strange way, survival circumstances had pushed me to focus on the immediate “mission” and shaped the way I made decisions. Usually, putting aside my own needs and wants for the “survival” of the family.

I had a goal and it was to restore as much as I could my family’s financial security in the long term. This goal has helped me make many of my riskiest decisions and pushed me to device longer term plans.

It has been almost 2 decades since that fateful day of realization. I feel I have accomplished a lot but always having to make personal (usually emotional) sacrifices. Therefore, now I am finding it hard to identify my true purpose in my professional life for fear of making “irresponsible” decisions.

Deep down, I believe my family and my spouse will be supportive of whatever decisions I make, if I can actually make one now! If I had analyzed myself accurately, I think it is fear of disappointing others.

Come to think of it, maybe it is psychotherapy that I need instead of career guidance! Oh well.. see what I mean?!

By: Angela Spaxman

Angela Spaxman — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 04:22:56 +0000

We all go through phases of development, from dependent on our parents’ or peers’ views (you are lucky to have such a supportive mum), to making our own choices independently, to interdependence where the needs of others influence our own choices. It’s so much easier to accept the needs of others in your career choices when you realize that it is your own free choice to include them and their needs in your journey. Sometimes we get the true, valuable but unpleasant messages from those who are closest to us. The trick is to listen and appreciate those messages and make your own free choices accordingly with full responsibility.

By: Gareth

Gareth — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:46:46 +0000

Key #3: Free yourself from what others want for you.
A tough assignment . . . trying to consider [or not] others opinions on my career direction/changes . .. to date my careers have been solely my choice . . . intuitive career paths taken as they felt right . .. or sometimes not . . . but all the decisions where mine!!!
However, now having to consider financial obligations and thus ultimately have to be sensitive to others. Also, it is sometimes good to listen to other ideas and perspectives . . . not just financial ones . . . but getting a sense of their values and needs too.
My parents never prescribed to any particular career . . . mum would just say . . . be happy . .. most liberating . . . . !!! So I just got on with it . . . mistakes and all . . . but haven’t regretted one minute.
As for now . . .i do ask my partner who is wise and harsh but well meaning . . . she keeps my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds . .. but maybe that is the issue . . .
Maybe I want to have a new career with in-built passion . . . . not financial reward . . .. but the chance to be happy . . . really happy and feel excited to give, participate, belong . . .
Listening to others is important . . .but ultimately . . . I have to make the choice that best fits my profile . . . my needs . . . my desires . . . but also trying to take my loved ones along with me on my journey!!!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 07:45:00 +0000

Thanks for sharing, Chris. I'm glad you have supportive friends and family and can also see that sometimes you need to take your own counsel.
Cheers,
Angela

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:24:00 +0000

Think about the people who are interested in your career decisions.
The first and the most important to me, It is my wife`s opinion because she is directly concerned and her opinion count more than others. Of course sometimes, I have to take some distance to find the right answers and my best way in my own interest, even if we are on the same boat and going toward together.
But my family and close friends are important to me and their opinion count too !
What opinions do they have that you will choose to ignore?
They may consider myself upper (or lower) than I really be and probably have a too high opinion of my qualities and strengthens because they love me which could drive me to a wrong way up !
They know only me as the person and not really as the professional that can give me wrong feedback by the way bad advice !
They may have a different background or interest, sometime they can`t understand my problem and motivation to achieve objective !
What opinions or support can they offer that would be valuable to you?
My friend and relative give me time, they listen and give me feedback and others point of view with new eyes. They give me; advice, persons to meet, strategy to prospect and new ideas and plus a daily support to achieve my goal !
What needs do they have that you will consider in your decisions?
They want me to be happy with my life by the way to fulfill my job expectation because they know it is an important matter for me as we share time and moment together !!!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 10:02:00 +0000

If you'd like to be more certain about what kind of job really suits you, the Career Assessments we offer can help a lot. See http://www.loving-your-work.com/assessments.htm.
There are lots of complexities and stress in your situation, so it really helps to have someone neutral and experienced to talk to. That's how I can help.
Another way to get it all clear in your mind is to write it all down. So you're getting a start on that here! Thanks for sharing. I hope it helps.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:53:00 +0000

Sorry that I wasn't clear. It's actually a paradox between getting a job and be persistent in searching for the kind of job I want, because I am now in-between jobs. I am worried that if I don't get a job soon (any, even in a different industry), I will soon run out of my savings before I can find a job that I like.
At the same time, I don't know if I am going to the right direction, (to persue what I want to do; and how do I know if that is really what I want to do or the right kind of job for me?). One of my problems is that I worry too much and I am not decisive. Thank you for your patience.