All over Hong
Kong, manipulative bosses following selfish agendas are making
life miserable for their employees. The story of a senior banker and his
unreasonable boss shows one way out of this trap using three simple steps to
take back control and make work life much more comfortable for everyone
involved.
Gregory was a senior banker in an
international bank, based in Hong Kong. Financial institutions are known to be
highly competitive environments full of very intelligent people who often lack
emotional intelligence, and Gregory's workplace was no different. He had the
worst possible boss.
Gregory's boss Conrad was
brilliant technically and ineffectual in his ability to manage people. He would
alternate between ignoring Gregory and micromanaging him. Conrad would demand
reams of detailed information at short notice and continue to apply pressure
until his demands were met with no consideration for other priorities that
Gregory might be handling. Gregory was a responsible and talented manager, but
somewhat self-critical.
Gregory suffered terribly
from the way his boss applied pressure. His instinct was to always attempt to
satisfy his boss's demands and when his boss was inevitably not satisfied, he
blamed himself. In a high-stress banking environment, this pressure meant that
Gregory worked and worried long hours with very little time or energy for any
private life. Because he was new to Hong Kong,
he had few friends locally and he began to feel quite isolated and
depressed.
When Gregory sought my help as a career
coach, his situation slowly began to turn around. He desperately needed to get
his life under control and his boss was one of the biggest barriers standing in
his way.
The three main steps that Gregory took
could apply to anyone with a difficult boss.
First
of all, if you're overwhelmed by a situation with a difficult boss, it's
important and useful to take a step back and view the dynamics of the situation
from different points of view. Gregory described the whole situation as he saw
it, and then I guided him to step into his boss's shoes. From that viewpoint he
could understand much more about what his boss was feeling and seeing. It is
surprising how much you actually know about someone else, particularly someone
you find repellant, when you look at the world through his eyes, just for a few
minutes. We also took another step back and viewed the situation as a neutral
observer. In your mind's eye, you can see yourself interacting with another
person, and many new insights are available.
With
these different viewpoints, Gregory could see some repeating patterns of
behaviour in his relationship with Conrad. The next step was to find ways to
break those repeating patterns by purposely behaving in an opposite manner. For
example, when Conrad made unreasonable demands, Gregory usually submitted
immediately. His submission would often cause Conrad to make even more demands.
So Gregory decided to do the exact opposite and refuse any work that was
unreasonable. For Gregory this decision was uncomfortable and took conscious
control to make it work. But the results were immediate. When Gregory did the
opposite to what Conrad expected, Conrad also did the unexpected and respected
Gregory much more. Gregory's assertiveness immediately raised the level of
trust and respect in their relationship.
As the
relationship began to improve, Gregory was ready to take the third step: to
understand the needs of his boss and take direct steps to meet them without
compromising his own needs. Gregory noticed that when Conrad was assured of his
loyalty and support, he was calmer and more reasonable. By regularly reassuring
Conrad, rather than avoiding him, as had been his habit, he was able to improve
the general mood of his boss and thereby make his own life much easier. This is
“managing up” at it's best.
Gregory's
relative isolation made it very challenging for him to make these changes on
his own. He was understandably uncomfortable standing up to an intimidating
boss when he relied on him for his employment and financial security in a land
far from home. His fears accentuated his lack of assertiveness and fed the
problem with his manipulative boss. But with a good sounding board, a few good
techniques and some moral support, he was able to greatly improve his situation
while developing his skills for future workplace relationship building.
As published in the South China Morning Post, October 2006
