Worrying is a very common source of stress and waste of energy. All of us have times when we worry, and some people rarely have times when they don't worry! Whether you are an occasional worrier, or a worry addict, learning how to worry less is an excellent investment in your life.

Here are three simple ways to cut down on your worrying. Choose one method, or use all three to work towards a worry-free life.

1) Write it all down. This is a very simple and easy way to stop the endless chatter of your worries. When you write everything down, you get it out of your head and onto paper where it can't endlessly repeat itself. 90% of worrying is repetition, so once it is concretely described on paper, it is easier to take your thinking to the next step and onto what you can practically do about your problems.
 
You can write down whatever you are worrying about quickly in a stream-of-consciousness style. Doing this is a relief and will also allow you to feel much clearer. You can write down everything, even if it scares you or you don't really want to think about it. Once it is written down, it loses its power.
 
Sometimes it is helpful to add some structure to your writing. You can categorize your thoughts into pros and cons, or current state and desired state, or other simple organizing structures. If you have a story in your mind you can write a few different versions of it to make it clear how your story is only an interpretation and not the truth. For example, if you're worrying about something you've done in the past, you could write it as a tragedy, then as a comedy, then as a matter-of-fact story. You can do this for your future worries too.
 
When your worries are very complicated, and you want to find a plan or a solution, I recommend using a mind map, a graphic representation of your thoughts. Learn more about mindmapping here.
 
2) Get present. When you're worrying you are always either thinking about the present or the future. It is impossible to worry when you are living in the present moment. To get present, do something that requires all of your attention. For example, try balancing on one leg. It is very difficult to do that when your mind is aflutter! Many of our most enjoyable activities force us to be present, including various forms of exercise and arts.
 
One of the things I do every day to keep working on my ability to be present is that whenever I am walking from one place to another, I focus my attention on everything I can feel in my body. I notice the feeling of the ground, the air against my face, the feeling of my muscles, my breathing and my heart if I can notice it. I let all those sensations dominate my awareness so that there is no room for anything else. Of course you can do this anytime when you are just sitting, or taking a short break. If you practice this for one minute per day, you will see a difference in your equanimity and your resilience.
 
3) Practice EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. Have you heard of it? This is a very simple technique that is easy to learn and practical to use. It is based on the fact that all emotions are energy moving through certain pathways in the body. By tapping on certain spots in an easy-to-learn pattern, it is possible to remove emotional charges. If you are worrying about something, you can be sure there is an emotional charge that is driving the cycle of worrying. So when you eliminate or reduce the emotional charge through this method, you will find you have much more control over your thoughts. By practicing this regularly, you will gain control over your emotions and give yourself the opportunity to act more rationally in emotional situations.

You can download a free EFT manual with everything you need to know. Or call me to arrange a one-time coaching session where I will teach you to practice EFT and eliminate some of your worries at the same time.

One of the most common mistakes in coaching is giving advice rather than helping the coachee find their own answers. This is an easy mistake to make because most of us are so keen to help (and show that we are helpful) and because many coachees are used to being given advice and they expect it.

From my personal experience of coaching, observing others coaching and being coached, I am convinced that most advice-giving in coaching is nowhere near as powerful and effective as eliciting the answers from the coachee. Eliciting the answers takes more skill and it also takes deep trust in the process of coaching, to believe that it is worth taking a bit more time and to make the space for the coachee to be creative.

Recently I learned a very simple and helpful process that simplifies my job in supporting my coachees to come up with their own answers so that I don't have to give them advice. Here's how it works:

Let's say my coachee asks me something like this: "How can I ... ? or "What can I do to ...? My coachee is seeking an answer to some question or problem he is facing. My options in that moment are to:

1) Give an answer,
2) Ask another question that helps him think further about what the answer might be, or
3) Suggest that we brainstorm possible solutions together.

Obviously Option 1 is giving advice and not recommended.

In the past I have often used Option 2 and asked my coachee something like "What do you think you could do?" There's nothing really wrong with this question, but asking a question like this does have some risks.

If my thinking is not clear enough, I might frame the question too tightly and restrict the coachee's responses. For example I might say "What do you think you could do to discover the root causes of this problem?" when in his mind there are no answers in the root causes and this is simply a distraction from the real question. Also, there is an implication that there is one 'right' answer, and this limits creativity.

Another risk with following Option 2 is that it may seem like I am throwing the difficult question back to him and withholding my own experience, wisdom and support.

Option 3 has some clear advantages. I could start by saying, "How about if we brainstorm some possible solutions together?" Immediately I am asking permission from the coachee to follow this next step. It is a way of checking the importance of the question and keeping the coachee in control of the process. I am open to the coachee saying, "Actually, I know what I need to do." !! But often the coachee will agree and I will say, "How about if you come up with two possible solutions, then I'll add two, and we'll carry on until we have a whole bunch?" Depending on the confidence of the coachee in this problem, I could also ask him to come up with a whole bunch of possibilities and then I'll add some more afterwards. 

A coachee is often not aware that there are any possible solutions to his problem, so he will find it encouraging to think that together we will find many. It is up to the coach to provide this confidence: essentially the trust that coaching will work and that there are always possibilities and choices in any situation.

Here are some of the other advantages of this approach:

By focusing on creating possible solutions rather than solving the problem, you temporarily stop the judgment and critical thinking that often blocks creativity. Your goal is to collect all the solutions first, and then evaluate them later. Doing this unleashes creativity and in itself will help the coachee think of things they haven't thought of before.

Coachees often mistakenly believe that the solutions coming from the coach are more valuable than those they generate themselves. You can counteract this assumption by collecting the ideas together so that they have more equal weight. It's also possible to generate contradictory ideas to make it clear that the coachee has to choose based on his own evaluation of what will work best for him.

Sometimes this process works so well that the coachee immediately comes up with an excellent solution that he knows is perfect for him and that he is excited to implement. Other times we generate a long list and feel safe with an abundance of choices for actions to take. This is what coaching is all about: creating new ways of thinking that change people's lives.

Most people are not very experienced at being coached. This fact makes it even more important that coaches trust the coaching process and let the power of coaching reveal itself to coachees. The 'aha' moments that they experience as a result will let them realize the true power of coaching.

I had a wake up call last week (The Awaken the Dreamer, Changing the Dream Symposium) that made me realize that one of the biggest things stopping many of us (myself included) from doing more to protect the environment is embarrassment. Isn't that pathetic? We let a mere transient, harmless emotion stop us from protecting the very thing that keeps us alive and brings us literally everything we have. But it's true. Let me give you one example.

I often buy take-out meals to save time cooking and shopping, and so that I can enjoy the food in my own home. That means that every week I toss out dozens of plastic and styrofoam containers. I know that these used containers are transported in stinking garbage trucks, polluting the air, on the way to fill up a valley in the New Territories that I can no longer hike in. That is how direct the connection is between my consumption and the reduction in the quality of my own life.

The  most convenient away for me to completely eliminate this particular desecration of the environment would be to bring my own containers to the take-out counters that I could easily re-use.

So what is the main reason I don't? It would be embarrassing to stand out and be different.

When I take an inventory of all the other small steps I could take to reduce my environmental impact, I notice that embarrassment is often stopping me.

• I could complain about the excessive packaging in local supermarket.
• I could walk to a meeting and arrive a little sweaty rather than taking a taxi.
• I could carry my own refillable cup.
• I could bear being called an activist, anti-business or unpatriotic, and speak up against the government's ignorance of the future being created by excessive development. 

Isn't it nice now to be able to receive a nod and maybe even a smile when you bring your own bag to the supermarket? Millions of bags will be saved as a result and hopefully that will mean a few less filthy plastic membranes floating along our beaches.

If we wait until protecting the environment is no longer embarrassing, we are squandering our wealth. We will have poorer quality food, more diseases caused by pollution and less natural beauty to bring us joy. If you think about it, you will notice that the pace of these destructive trends is already increasing in our lifetimes.

If you are reading this article, you already know the cost of our/your destructive ways and you know of many changes you could make to reduce your impact. What is your excuse for not doing more?

The changing of the year is a special time. We make it special by turning our attention to the bigger time frame of a year rather than our usual daily or weekly concerns. Using this annual cycle to reflect and plan creates momentum for our long term goals: those things we want to produce over many years and over our lifetimes.

Here's a simple exercise you can use to maximize your learning from the year just past and create momentum for your goals in the coming year.

1) Write down between 30 and 50 things that happened to you last year. It sounds like a lot, but it is surprisingly easy to do when you review all aspects of your life such as your work, health, wealth, relationships, environment, recreation, learning etc.
2) For each item, write down a) what you gained, b) what you lost and c) what you learned.
3) Write down at least 20 things you intend to experience or produce in the coming year.
4) Note a completion date for each item in the future.
5) Write down what you will gain, lose and learn for each item in the future.

What is the impact of this exercise on you?

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