Focusing on exactly what the coachee wants is a powerful tool that can lead to instant coaching results. Obviously, the whole paradigm of modern coaching means focusing on what the client wants. But I'm talking about focusing more deeply on what they really want, not just what they tell you they want. By focusing the conversation in this way, you not only honour your coachee's goals and needs, but you can also find ways to meet those real but often unspoken goals much more easily.

Here's an example of how this works. My coachee Anne is frustrated by the lack of structure and guidelines in her company. She feels frustrated that a lot of her efforts are wasted because the system is not in place to properly implement the programs she is developing. She believes that the way the company is doing things is wrong and wasteful.

What does Anne want? One view is that she wants the company to change the way it does things. Further exploration of this possibility reveals that this kind of change would take a lot of thought, time and effort.

Another view of what Anne wants is that she wants to stop feeling frustrated. Perhaps she wants to feel like her efforts are of value and are being used for the best possible result.

I asked Anne what stops the company from creating the kinds of structures she believes are necessary. Anne explains that her company is young and growing. The senior managers probably understand the value of what she wants, but it is not their priority right now. I can see a change in Anne's demeanor as she reveals this. So I say, "It looks like that's an important point you've just made."

Anne said, "Yes, I realize that it's not realistic to expect the company to act like a fully mature company when it is so new. The work I do at this stage is valuable, but it is impossible to be as fully implemented as it would be in a more mature company." Anne's energy had changed completely. She seemed relaxed as she accepted the reality of the situation.

I took the opportunity to strengthen her feelings of acceptance by offering a metaphor. I said, "Your company is still a baby! So no wonder it doesn't do everything perfectly yet."

Anne laughed! Her frustration was gone. Nothing concrete had changed, but because she had changed her thinking, the 'problem' was gone.

If I were Anne's manager, I would be very happy to have instantly gained her understanding and support for the current needs of the company. How many good staff have quit their jobs in frustration over a similar problem that can be resolved with a 10 minute coaching conversation? And for Anne, she can be much more effective by aligning her efforts with the current needs of the company rather than wishing it were different and struggling to create structures that are too far ahead of their time.

Here's a summary of the keys to success for this coaching interaction.
1) As always, let the coachee do most of the talking.
2) Listen for what's behind the words. Notice what the coachee wants, versus what she says she wants.
3) Watch for changes in tone and body language that signify a change in thinking.
4) Focus on what will help the coachee feel better, rather than just solving the practical problem.
5) Help the coachee notice and articulate the change in thinking and emotions.

This is only one example of the value of focusing on what the coachee wants. Do you have others you can share here?

I've been on a learning spurt in the past few months around the most effective ways to influence people, to lead, and to have my life proceed according to my highest desires. And what I'm learning is a way of operating that is much more effective than the conventional wisdom.

Fitting perfectly into that learning, I happened upon a very inspiring book called Synchronicity, the Inner Path of Leadership, by Joseph Jaworski.

The book affirms that leadership is about collectively creating the future and that the most effective way to lead is to use synchronicity, meaning to create the conditions for "predictable miracles".

I'm sure you can think of a time when a happy accident led you to progress in an unexpected way. A common example is a coincidental meeting with someone who can forward your goals. Another example is when your eyes catch sight of a book that perfectly meets your needs (just as happened for me with this book!) For me, some of the most influential connections I've made in the past few years have happened purely by accident.

The book is both a personal story and an attempt to describe how to lead using synchronicity. Here are my notes.

1. The most important choice a leader makes is to serve. Without choosing to serve your followers and/or society, your capacity to lead is profoundly limited.


2. Want the result for its own sake. That means you must avoid egoic attachments to the results such as wanting to prove yourself as a leader, wanting to beat the competition etc. For the example above, you would want the profit simply for the benefits that will accrue to the company and your team.


3. Be committed; believe it is possible; use willingness not will. You must simultaneously  be committed to success while being open to allowing the process to unfold in the easiest possible way.  This reminds me of Deepak Chopra's 4th Law of Success: The Law of Least Effort. Lao Tzu has said that "An integral being...accomplishes without doing."


4. Attract what and who you want through authentic presence and love. When you generate an internal feeling of unconditional love, others are influenced by it, whether they know it or not.
   


5. The ability to create the conditions for synchronicity is not special. It's available to everyone.
   

If I've really learned these lessons this time, my life should begin flowing with great ease. And yours too. So, let's see!

If you'd like to enjoy your work life more, or if you're thinking of changes, here's another chance to meet with some like-minded souls to make a fresh start on improving your career. Carole Lewis and I will be guiding a small group on June 16th on how to Love Your Work in 5 Steps!
See www.GettingWorkYouLove.com for all the details.

You can also sign-up there for our revised and improved free e-course.

"This workshop gave me some new perspectives and the increased motivation to make changes that I knew I needed to make."
--Lorna Robertson, Teacher, Hong Kong

Kristin Lowe, the Managing Director of Organising Solutions, is not only the most organized person I know, she is a font of knowledge on the subject. You should see her book collection. I didn't know there were modern encyclopedias on organizing. She is also totally passionate about helping people reduce stress and regain control of their time.

In June she's running a two-morning workshop, The Calm Control™ Personal Productivity Workshop that will help you:

• Reclaim time lost searching for buried information by creating a comprehensive workflow management system
• Improve your decision-making speed and eliminate inefficiencies caused by information overload
• Increase your capacity to manage multiple tasks, projects and ever-changing priorities
• Enhance your ability to identify and remain focused on the most profitable activities

The workshop is suitable for working people, managers considering offering an in-house version, or household 'CEOs'.

Dates
Part 1 – Tuesday 24 June, 9:30-12:45
Part 2 – Wednesday 25 June, 9:30-12:45

Click here for more information and to get your special price. Registration closes on June 16.

I was interviewed for the Coachville Caffeine daily online radio show about:
- how I became a coach and then the President of the IAC
- what the IAC is all about
- my big dream for the world and for the IAC

You can listen here. My part is just over 30 minutes long.

At 27:45 I talk about my big dream for the IAC and the world: "It's about how coaching influences people and how coaching brings people forward, which is so important for our world at this point. ..."

Have you seen that film going around about the neurologist who had a stroke? Jill Bolte Taylor vividly describes her experiences as her left brain gradually stops working. See it here.

It's amazing and inspiring. The experiences she has when her left, logical, language-using, linear brain fails are like spiritual experiences. She feels expansive, connected and at one with everything in the universe. She feels incredible bliss as she revels in the present moment.

She is so moved by these experiences that she is motivated to share them with the world for one primary purpose: so that all of us can also experience that blissful place that is available to us all through the perception of our right brains.

Afterall, she realizes that the way the right brain sees the world is just as valid as the left brain's perspective. Both viewpoints are required to have a full experience of life. And yet most of us are completely immersed in the left brain's practical view of past and future, specifics, and separation. That right brain perspective is just what the world needs more of now, in order to fully understand how we are all inter-connected, inter-dependent and safe.

Her description of this other way of viewing the world is certainly inspiring. But she gives very little insight into how to actually do this ...short of having a stroke ourselves which I'm sure she does NOT recommend.

So how do you reduce the activity of your left brain so that you can benefit from the holistic perspective of your right brain?

Of course, meditation is one proven way and the benefits are well-documented. I highly recommend it. But nonetheless it is difficult for busy people to find time to be completely quiet and undisturbed in order to meditate.

So I recommend instead another simple trick you can do in any spare moments when you are walking around, traveling or briefly at rest. This method comes from yoga and is also explained in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Start with 'soft eyes'. In other words, look at an object and soften your focus so that your gaze is broader. You will be able to see things far to both sides of your field of vision without moving your eyes or your head. Next, practice shifting your attention from the object in the centre, to the periphery of your vision. Notice that you can shift your attention back and forth, from the centre, to the periphery, without moving your eyes at all. You can even shift your attention to areas that you cannot see. Can you evenly distribute your attention to all directions around you?

As you practice this, notice how it feels. You may feel that the quality of your attention is very different when it is spread out around you than when it is focused, as in our usual every-day experiences. Can you feel the difference? That is the right side of your brain.

Studies in NLP have shown that the eyes and the mind are interconnected so that eye movements can be used to predict and control mind activities. So use your eyes to help you broaden your focus. Practice broadening your attention. You will learn new ways to see the world. You will feel bliss.

This was one of the 'aha's that came to me at the Conversations Among Masters conference in North Carolina last week. Anthony Smith, author of The Taboos of Leadership, explained that women make better leaders.

An analysis of 45 leadership studies found that the best bosses use a leadership style that is more reliant on high EQ than on high IQ. They act as inspirational mentors who encourage their staff to develop their abilities and creatively change their organizations.  Women, on average, have higher EQs and are more likely than men to enact this transformational style.

But if women are such great leaders, why are there so few of them in the top echelons of corporate leadership? Only 2% of Fortune 1000 CEOs are women. Smith argues that the reason is that fewer women choose the single-focus-on-work lifestyle that top leadership requires. Women are more concerned with work-life balance as they tend to take more responsibility for their family lives. Therefore women tend to be satisfied at lower levels of management. They don't have as much ambition and will to advance, choosing instead roles that allow for more flexibility.

In contrast, only 1% of pre-school teachers are men. Does this mean that men are not capable of doing these jobs, or just that they prefer not to?

This issue strikes a cord with me because I think society is losing the point by focusing on comparisons of how much men and women earn and how equal they are in terms of hierarchical leadership. Of course I strongly believe that women and men should be paid equally for work of equal value. I also believe that society will benefit when women have much more influence than they currently do. But wouldn't it be more relevant to focus on how much freedom and opportunity men and women have to express themselves through their work? Men and women may one day contribute equally, but in very different ways.

Money and position power are no longer the only measures we have for success. I think using money alone as a measure of success is an inherently masculine point of view and as the feminine aspects of humanity gain more influence, we will accept more complex measures for our success. In fact this trend can already be seen in initiatives to use triple bottom line accounting.

I certainly don't judge my own success solely by the measures of position and income. Do you?

Read more here from Anthony Smith on whether women make better leaders than men.

Here's another article with more information on transactional versus transformational leadership.

After 8 years in coaching and many more years of developing myself, I've come up with a list of my favorite tools for many aspects of self-development. These are the tools I regularly recommend to my clients. These are the suggestions I will press on the people I care about.   more »

I've figured out the secret to happiness. Really! It's very simple, but not easy to do. All I have to do is catch myself resisting something and then start accepting it. The quicker I catch myself, and the faster I change my thinking, the sooner I start enjoying myself and feeling happy. So how do I catch resistance? The easiest way is to notice your own emotions. If those emotions are unpleasant or dysfunctional, then you are resisting something. Guaranteed. Let's take an example...   more »

I'd like to share some discoveries I've made regarding resolutions, intentions and expectations in the hopes that they can help you make 2008 unfold as your best year ever.   more »

To celebrate the season of giving, I want to share a small selection of my favorite resources from the incredible abundance of the internet. Please choose the gifts of information and inspiration that are most valuable to you. And give yourself the gift of time to enjoy them.   more »

Details of a 2-day workshop about developing coaching skills for managers using Harrison Assessments and presented by Ava Harrison and John Bower in January 2008.   more »

It's performance appraisal and/or bonus time. Several of my clients are sweating this week over how to make the most of the one-on-one conversations they will have with their staff. Perhaps you are too?   more »

Life unfolds in waves, like seasons. First we push ahead, accomplish things, learn and grow. Then we pause to consolidate and enjoy what we've gained. We feel confident that we have arrived. At last we have graduated, we have been promoted, we've reached our targets, whatever they are. But after awhile, we begin to notice a small pain, an uneasiness that grows to a silent scream. The scream says, 'there's more'.   more »